Still job searching, I am acting calm only because I don't know how else to act. If I freak out it won't solve anything and if I don't act quickly I'll be out on my ass, figuratively that is. So, the long and short of it is, on the inside I am breaking down, I am slowly slipping and don't know where to turn. I don't want to worry anyone and honestly am starting to think that maybe going in to a place that's hiring and begging on my hands and knees might not be such a bad idea. I look at my work history and its in the toilet, my one real paying job that lasted for any amount of time was working for my mother, on top of this the economy is thrashing any job I might have a chance at getting due to my lack of experience. I miss having something to call my own, something besides my emotions. All I have now is my writing, which isn't going well, video games, which aren't helping anything, and the people around me, who I am too scared to tell how I'm feeling.
I wish there was a service that called you for a job, I've heard of things like it but have not seen anything similar to it yet. My options at this point is to walk around town until I get hired, which I am in the process of doing, hope that someone near me has a way to help, or lay down and give up... I refuse to give up yet, even if I sound it out there, I can't give up... I don't know what will happen if I do... I am petrified, IM SCARED! I just don't know how to get a job but that hasn't stopped me from printing out applications or applying online, which I find half pointless because more than 80% of the time they tell you NOT to call. That makes sense right? Don't call us well call you, why did this even get started? I was told during all of my job searching that I need to bug them, I need to get them to notice me. If you lack experience and your not allowed to call what are your options at that point? Wait and hope?
None of this makes sense to me anymore, at least when I was looking for a job before I had someone nearby to vouch for me, to say that I could work there. Maybe that was just because it was a small town, maybe that's because the manager was my mom, and maybe its because I had no experience job searching at all. Who knows, all I know is I need to get my shit together and get gone to a job. Because if I don't I failed, and if I don't what am I good for...
Once again I am sorry for this long, drawn out, missed punctuation rant. I just had to get this out somewhere, and honestly I don't care who sees. I just can't hold all of this in anymore, I just can't. I haven't even been sleeping well, even when I do get to bed at a decent hour. I always wake up exhausted and than on top of that I've started to have nightmares about leaving. I-I'm sorry everyone, I just need a little support... I don't have a clue what life is like outside of my parents house and if I go back it's just going to get worse.
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